How to Annoy the Hell out of James Potter
by GoddessGirl1372
Summary: Lily finds a book, and tempted to use the ideas inside, she and her friends have a interesting last 2 weeks of skool. If u havnt read my other story Time Warp, I would suggest greatly to read that first! U mite get a bit confoozled if u dont! T 4 some lan
1. Chapter 1

15 Ways to Annoy the Hell out of James Potter

By: GoddessGirl123

Summery: When Lily Evans best friend, Tara Andrews, gives her a book, she can't help or resist using these useful tips on a certain hazel eyed boy she knows from it.

Some things to know:: Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't been writing much, but I am so going to update _Time Warp _soon! I would also like to add that if you were a fan of my story _Fix You, _but (like most, and including myself) were unhappy with the ending, well, happy days! I have posted an edited version, and the ending has been modified! So, have fun with life!

SOMETHING YOU REALLY WANT TO READ : This story reveals some out comes of my story _Time Warp_, but there have been some plot changes including Harry never coming, and that they are in 7th year in that story, and this one to, but James and Lily are head girl and boy in this one unlike the other. The thing with Anne-Marie and Leon happened in 6th year in this story, while it happened in 7th year in the other. Ok, after confusing all of you greatly, here is the story!

SOMETHING YOU MUST READ : Those who haven't read _Time Warp_, you really should, you might get a bit confused if you don't. YE BE WARNED.

Chapter One: A Chance that can not be Turned Down

"Please!" came the pitiful cry of James Potter as he held onto the ends of a certain red head girl. He whimpered piteously, made his hazel eyes sparkle and shine, and puffed out his bottom lip.

"No! _Let go of me!_" Lily Evans yelled again as she struggled to pull James across the floor of the hallway to the Head boy and girl room. "And put that lip away, stick it out any more and you'll trip on it..."

"But Lily, come on! Pleaaaasssseeeee?"

"James, if I said no before, why would you think I would say yes now?"

"Because I'm perfect and irresistible?" Lily stopped walking and turned to face James as best she could with him holding onto the back of her robes.

"Ok, I understand this is completely and terribly boring for you to listen to, since you are clearly diagnosed with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and could find many things to be more interested in but, to bad, I'm saying it again and I'm never repeating myself again. I'm never ever ever ever never ever going out with you!" With that, she yanked her robes out from his grasp and stalked down the corridor, into the Head girl and boy common room, and up her staircase.

Lily quickly said her password (Flower Fresh) and proceed to walk through the door.

"HI LILY!" Lily screamed as a flash or black and brown zoomed at her.

"Oh my god, Tara?" Lily said she dropped her bags and flung her arms around her friend. "How are you? How's your life?" Lily pulled back and looked into her friends dark eyes.

"Have you spoken to Anne-Marie." Tara's face visually darkened even though her skin was so dark.

"No, she won't talk ever since he dumped her and started going out with me."

"Did you hear that she's dating Sirius now?" Lily said, trying to hurriedly change the subject.

"Yeah, even if you leave to live in France for a year you still know the latest gossip! I also hear that James Potter is after you." She grinned smugly as Lily blushed, hard red.

"Yeah, he's really annoying, he follows me every where...So, why are you here any way?"

"I happened to remember that it was your birthday in a couple of days, so I thought since Léon was doing a tour thing in London and I was going, I would drop by and give you your present personally!" With that, the dark skinned girl reached into a large orange purse she was carrying and pulled out three packages. One was a square and thick, clearly a box of something, the other a flat rectangular box wrapped in sky blue paper. The last was the smallest; it was clearly a book of some sort.

"Oh, thank you! Which one should I open first?" Lily asked excitedly as she drew up some chairs and a round glass table for them to sit by.

"This one," Tara said happily, sitting down and handing her the largest square box. "I think you'll love me forever after you look at it!" Lily unwrapped the box and carefully opened the lid. Inside were many posters, CDs, and other pictures of Tara, Léon, and both Tara and Léon.

"Thought you might want some things to remember me by!" Tara smiled as Lily laughed and unfurled some off the posters.

"You mean redecorate my dorm room so that every where I turn there's your face?"

"Yep, pretty much!" Lily laughed again as she set the box aside. "Now which one?"

"This one! I picked it out myself." Tara squealed joyously and handed her the flat large rectangular box. Lily noted that the box was quiet long, and when she stood it up against her, it almost reached her shoulders. Lily, smiling, unwrapped and open this present too. As soon as she did she gasped.

"Oh my goodness, this is beautiful!" Inside this box was a beautiful sparkling emerald green dress that stopped around mid thigh. The green ended just above her chest and faded into a white shimmering almost see-through clothe that seemed softer then any silk in the world. The white thin material was long sleeved, and was very tight. The dress looked like it was made just for her, the exact right size.

"You like?" Tara grinned as Lily ran her fingers over the glinting dress.

"I love!" Lily exclaimed as she touched what seemed to be diamonds that were inlayed around the part where the green and white met. There were small ones all around and a huge large one in the center.

"Are these real diamonds?"

"Yes and no. They're special diamonds; each one brings a special gift to you or means something different. That big one in the center is a Luck Crystal, there are few on this earth and are only located at the dead center of the Mediterranean Sea in a black tough-as-steel rock." Lily was amazed at how much Tara had done for her, just to get this dress for her.

"This is one of the best things some one has ever given me!" Lily whispered in awe, trying her best to hold in her excitement to put the dress on straight away.

"Ok, last and final gift." Tara said handing her the present shaped like a book. "I think it might come in handy." After seeing her other gifts, she was quite thrilled to open this one, and had much anticipation. It was a book indeed, but it was a book she hadn't seen in any store or bookshop she had ever visited. Green leather bound, silver curling writing forming the words '_Annoyed, how to annoy the annoying, by I Emma Annoyance'._

"Oh, I'm going to love reading this." Lily said flipping through some of the pages.

"Thought it might come in handy for double P's." Lily looked confused for a moment, but then a light sparked in her head. _Potter Problems_, that's what Tara used to call them all the time.

"It sure will..." Lily said smiling.

"Promise to tell me what happens!" Tara said hugging her friend. "I would love to stay, but I'm meeting up with Paige to say hi to her and Remus. Then, its time for me to go to Holland for a performance!"

"Have fun, and try to visit again sometime!" Lily said some what sadly as she hugged her friend again.

"I will!" Tara said cheerfully. "Good Bye, enjoy your birthday presents!"

"I'm sure I will!" Lily smiled, and she was gone. Lily sighed and looked at the three wonderful gifts she had been given. Lily picked up the book and smiled as she let her fingers drift over the title. The bell rang loudly, a sign to go to 5th period. Lily quickly slipped the book into her book bag and hurried out the door.

_  
This is going to be fun..._


	2. Chapter 2

15 Ways to Annoy the hell out of James Potter

By : GoddessGirl123

Chapter Two : The First Tip

Lily quickly dashed to her seat in history of magic just before the late bell rang. Of course, she wasn't too worried of being late for history of magic, but she was never late for any class, so why start now? Lily took her seat next to Anne-Marie, who was looking slightly annoyed (probably because she saw Tara in the halls or something). Suddenly, something hit her in the back of the head. She turned sharply to see James sitting there, twiddling his fingers. Lily glared, but turned around to face front just the same. Professor Binns continued to converse with the white board.

"God, 'e's going nuts, not to long before 'e's knocked off 'ees rocker..." Anne-Marie whispered. I ignored the fact she didn't use the phrase correctly, she never used any English phrase she heard right. So I just nodded but growled slightly as another larger piece of grey parchment hit her in the head. "Oh, he's going to pay for this." Lily thought angrily as she reached into her bag, pulling out the book Tara had given her. Opening the stiff pages, she began to read chapter one.

How to Annoy- The Art of Annoying

If you are seeking the knowledge to annoy anyone – fellow classmates, bosses, coworkers, parents, teachers, friends – then you have opened the right book. If you think other wise, you should this book down immediately. If you don't care either way, please continue to read these pages and enjoy these words I have written.

For a first tip or idea to get these people annoyed, who ever it may be, you should every time they say your name, be it Billy, Jake, Hannah, or Jaxen-Waxen-Heimer, you should always moo. Instead of saying 'yes?' or 'what?' or 'shut up, I'm watching the telly!' just say 'mooooo!' In a matter of minutes, who ever you're trying to annoy will become infuriated. If they ask what you are doing, simply moo again. What ever they do, just say moo. Hey, that rhymes! Enjoy you annoying, I'll speak to you again next chapter.

And so it ended. Lily thought as she reread this short, simple chapter. Who ever had written this book was obviously quite intelligent, but had a good sense of humor too. Oh, James was in for it after class.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX After Class XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lily stood and stretched as the bell rang. Since it was a Friday afternoon, they didn't have 6th or 7th periods, so she was free to do whatever. As she stood, James ran up to her.

"He Lily!"

"Moo!"

"What?"

"Moo!"

"Why are you mooing?"

"Moooo!" James looked at her strangely. He put his hand against her forehead to feel if it was warm.

"Are you feeling ok?"

"Moo! Moo-moo moo moooooo!" Lily mooed happily before grabbing her bag and skipping out of the room.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Like 10 minutes before dinner XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Not feeling hungry, Lily decided to go straight to the heads common room. When she was nearing the portrait whole, she felt some one grab her shoulder. It was a pretty blonde girl with a blue head band on.

"Vat vere tu doing een 'eestory of Mageec?" Anne-Marie Lowney asked her voice heavy with French accent.

"Reading a book on how to annoy James." Lily smiled as she pulled out the book that Tara had given her.

"Ah, très magnifique!" Anne-Marie cried out after reading the title. "I could really uze zees against Sirius!" She flipped through the pages as Lily frowned.

"Against him?" she asked as Anne-Marie looked up.

"Yeah," Anne-Marie sighed. " 'e ees getting very annoying, I zink I vill 'ave to leave 'im, or as you non-French peoples zay eet 'Dump heem'." Anne-Marie held the book up again to read but Lily pulled it down and raised her eyebrows.

"Why are you going to 'Dump heem'?" Lily asked as Anne-Marie frowned.

"I do not know, 'ee just isn't ze von I vanted, hee ees too sereeous."

"Sirius being Sirius?"

"Look, drop zee subject, I vant to know more about zees book! Vere did tu get zees book?"

"Present..." Lily said uneasily.

"Oh! 'Oo gave eet to tu?"

"Tara..." Lily mumbled. Anne-Marie's face darkened.

"Oh, oui, I saw 'er een zee common room. Can I borrow zees?" Anne-Marie quickly changed the subject.

"Well, I haven't read all of it yet, and I wanted to use it against-James!" Lily yelled and pointed down the hall as James came walking towards them, obviously looking as if he had heard everything they had just said.

Anne-Marie quickly pulled Lily into the Heads' Common room after saying the password (Sugar Plums) and yanked her up into the Head girl's room. James ran through the passage just in time to hear Lily moo loudly before a load slam of a door and a satisfying click was heard.

"Damn it..." James mumbled before turning around and heading down the halls. He strode nervously towards the great hall, where he knew every one would be eating dinner now. How was he going to tell Sirius of Anne-Marie's decision? And what was that book that Tara had given Lily when she had come to visit? He was confused, and when he walked into the Great Hall, things only seem to get worst.


	3. Chapter 3

How to Annoy the Hell out of James Potter

By : GoddessGirl123

Chapter 3 : Tip number 2

A Flash from the past : _and when he walked into the Great Hall, things only seem to get worst. _

"Oh, we're dead." Lily said as Anne-Marie locked the door magically.

"Oui!" Anne-Marie moaned as she sank into the bed next to me. "'e 'eard about me wanting to dump Sirius, 'e's going to tell 'im and 'e's going to get angry and make eet 'arder to dump 'eem." Lily nodded. They sat there in silence for a few moments, but it didn't last long since some one decided to start kicking the door yelling "OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR!".

"Alright, keep your shirt on!" Anne-Marie said as she waved her wand at the door revealing a tear stained furious red face of there friend, Paige Elliot.

"I HATE HIM!" she yelled as she kicked the wall angrily.

" 'Oo?" Anne-Marie asked as she pulled Paige away from the wall.

"REMUS!" She screamed. "I NEVER WANT TO SPEAK TO HIM AGAIN! IN FACT, I WON'T HAVE TO SINCE I DUMPED HIM!"

"Tu vat?" Anne-Marie yelled.

"You what ?' Lily screamed. 'Oh, Paige, you didn't!'

'I did!' she cried. 'He is such a bastard, I hate him. He never talks to me, he hides things from me. And when I ask him if he's feeling all right because he looks so pale at dinner he just blows up! So I do to, and I dumped him right there on the spot and ran up here!' She continued to cry as the other two girls comforted her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX In The Great Hall, Moments Before XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"STOP ASKING ME THAT!" Remus yelled angrily at Paige just as James entered. His yell caused everyone to stop talking, the Great Hall going deafly silent.

"Oh, SO YOU'RE ASKING ME NOT TO CARE ANY MORE?" Paige shouted rising from across the table.

"NO, I'M ASKING YOU TO STOP BLOODY ASKING ME THAT! IT GETS ANNOYING AFTER A WHILE!"

"WELL, I'M NOT THE ONLY THING THAT GETS ANNOYING AFTER A WHILE AM I?"

"SHUT IT ELLIOT!"

"I WOULD TELL YOU TO TOO, BUT YOU DO THAT A LOT ALREADY DON'T YOU? YOU DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING! NOT ONE SECRET, WHAT ARE THEY, SECRETS THAT EVERYONE KNOWS EXCEPT ME?"

"NO! THEY AREN'T, AND YOU AREN'T THE MOST OPEN GIRL I'VE EVER MET EITHER. BUT I DON'T COMPLAIN! YOU THINK YOU'RE TO PERFECT, EVEN IF I DID YOU WOULDN'T LISTEN! ALL YOU DO IS WINE AND ACT LIKE A BITCH!"

They were both standing now, and as soon as Remus shouted this, Paige froze. No one ever called her a bitch, or swore at her at all. She looked at him, her face turning slowly red. She pulled back her hand and slapped him as hard as she could across the face. A gasp went up around the hall as Paige said in a loud whisper.

"I hate you, and I never want to see or date that ugly face of yours again." With that she stormed out of the Great Hall, knocking into James' shoulder as she left. _'I'll tell him later'_ James thought as Sirius and Remus walked towards him. _'Oh, what the hell, I shouldn't keep him in the dark."_

"I can't believe I just lost the best thing that ever happened to me." Remus whispered sadly as Paige's robes disappeared around the corner. "I guess I'm joining James in the 'no girlfriend zone'."

"No you're not! Sirius is coming with you!" James blurt out. _'Oh now I've done it, I have to say it now!' _

"Um James, Anne-Marie is my girlfriend..."

"Not for much longer mate." James said sadly. "I heard her and Lily talking, she wants to dump you because you aren't right for her." He watched Sirius's face change as he slowly backed away from James.

"She can't do that!" Sirius suddenly yelled. "I'm Sirius Black! No girl dumps me, especially some stupid blonde French girl who is obviously not the right one for me any more either." Suddenly Remus began making strange hand movements, brings his fingers across his throat in a cutting motion.

"What do you want Remus? Because if you're going to start bragging about how your _ex-_girlfriend was so smart, don't even try talking to me! I know Anne-Marie was dumb, she can barely talk right!" Remus and now James began to look more desperate was waving his hands trying to signal him to stop talking.

"What the fuck you want? She was a stupid spoiled French brat, what more can I say?"

"Oh for heavens sake Sirius, shut up!" James yelled frustrated.

"Why?"

"Look behind you!" Sirius turned and gasped to see the sad hurt face of his girlfriend.

"Ees zat vut tu alvays though of me? A stupid spoiled French brat? Deed tu only go out vith me because of my looks? Like Léon deed?" Anne-Marie's eyes began to shine with miserable tears, her voice heartbreaking.

"No, Baby, I just thought you were going to leave me and I was angry." Sirius said soothingly, his voice lined with guilt and regret as he moved forward to except her into his arms. But she pushed away from him.

"Baby, I'm sorry, I didn't mean those things. I shouldn't have said them!"

"You're right," Anne-Marie cried out pulling away again, tears now flowing freely down her face. "You shouldn't have." With that, she ran down the hall, away from her now not boyfriend, Sirius.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX The Girls XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Well I did eet." Anne-Marie cried as she ran into the dorm room. "I found out eef 'e vanted me or not and 'e said all zees mean zings. I don't vant 'eem even eef 'e vants me." Paige and Lily walked over to comfort Anne-Marie, but she pushed them away and ran instead for Lily's book bag. She yanked out the book and turned to chapter two.

"I'm going to make 'eem pay 'ell after zat!" Anne-Marie growled as she began to read what it said.

Chapter Two

After completing the last chapter, and annoying who ever greatly, it is time to read on. Another tip awaits you, close to your grasp. Read on if you would like to know what it is. Stop if you don't. If you stop, you will probably throw this book out the window or into the fireplace where it will become smoldering ashes. If you don't stop, then you are reading this now. And, just to point out, did you just no you read 17 seconds of your life reading this pointless. Unlike this paragraph, the next one shall help you.

When they annoying person that you're trying to annoy is not getting annoyed, continue using your 'moo' trick, but also every time they come close enough, reach out and snatch, yank, or pull out that persons animals or its hair. Yell loudly 'DNA', then repeat the process. Be sure reread previous chapters if you forget; old tricks can still help.

"Ok zen, every time Siri comes near moi, I am going to yank at 'ees 'air and yell 'DNA' like zees book sez."

"I don't know guys, don't you think that might embarrass us just a tiny bit?" Paige said quietly as she read the page again, doubtfully.

"Do you want to get back at Remus or not?" Lily said sternly.

"And Sirius?" Anne-Marie put in.

"And James? They all are ruining our lives..."

"Well, fine, let's go do it now!" Paige grabbed her friend's wrists and pulled them towards the door out of the dorm room. They quietly walked down the stairs and were happy to see that all three Marauders were sitting on the sofa with there backs to them.

"Why did you tell me Anne-Marie wanted to break up with me when she didn't?" Sirius asked in an annoyed fashion as Anne-Marie crept closer to them.

"I don't know, because I thought then Remus and you could comfort each other while I did nothing?" James shrugged as Lily's fingers inched towards his hair.

"Hey!" Remus wined causing Paige to want to pull that long hair of his any more. Anne-Marie looked towards them and held up three fingers silently. She dropped one and brought her fingers to a few hairs that were sticking out on the top of Sirius's head. She dropped her second fingers as the other two mirrored her hand movements. She dropped her last finger and made a grab for Sirius's hair just as Paige and Lily did so to. They all yanked and pulled out the hair and screamed DNA at the same time.

"DNA!" The three girls yelled.

"Oww!" Screamed the three boys, twisting around to see what had just happened. The girls turned and began walking up the stairs.

"Lily!" James called.

"Baby doll," Sirius said

"Paigie," Remus cried out. But all of there calls were answered with one loud

"Moo!" and a slam of a door.

"Oh yah, this day is going real good." James said rubbing his head. "In one day, Lily acquirers a book to annoy us, Anne-Marie and Paige both dump you two, and we're all loosing hope on ever getting girl friends."

"You said it Prongs." Remus said.

They sighed as one. This was going to be a long last two weeks of school...


End file.
